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4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts











8 Min Read
With graduation season nigh upon us, I thought what would be better than to take a moment to celebrate such achievements and milestones in our lives? Not to #HumbleBrag, but my Ph.D. graduation ceremony only lands at #2 on my list of diplomas that I’m ----- proud of earning. No, the #1 spot came many […]

3 Min Read
"Excuse me, sir. Can I ask what your ethnicity is?" I'm not gonna lie to y'all...I never saw that one coming.

5 Min Read
On that day, there was terror in the air.
And every single passenger on that plane knew that it was coming from back there...

5 Min Read
Most people can't quite put their finger on what feels 'off' about their lives.
At least until what's 'off' is a little too 'on the nose'...

4 Min Read
"Oh sh*t..." you say, as you do your best Fred-Savage-from-the-Princess-Bride impression. "Is this a pooping story?"
"This is a pooping story, isn't it..."

3 Min Read
"No! Only I get to stuff the ballot box!" he hissed at me as he grabbed my wrists and wrestled the stack of raffle entries from my hand...

4 Min Read
Well, it was either "ignoble death" or "registered sex offender for life."
I quickly came to terms that I was probably going to die right there in the water...

4 Min Read
"...what does one do when the Confederate-flag-on-a-hockey-stick games begin?"

5 Min Read
"Rah-rah-rah, hats off to thee! Wait one sec, let me double-check my family tree..."

< 1 Min Read
The Year 2021: The Year of the Endless Home Renovation.
Pfft! More like "The Year We Almost Ended Up Homeless"...
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< 1 Min Read
An ode to the original host of America’s Funniest Home Videos and director of acclaimed cinematagrphic masterpiece Dirty Work, “America’s Dad”, Mr. Bob Saget: Once there was a dad on Full House,thought to be squeaky clean as a mouse.Indeed, 'twas a reputation hard-earned,but from his later career we have learned:You shouldn't trust him alone with […]

6 Min Read
If you're lucky, a cat or mouse will only scratch you.
If you're unlucky, they might just scar you for life...

3 Min Read
"And the award for 'Least Amount Of Substances Abused Over A Lifetime' goes to..." (*ahem* Drum roll, please...)

8 Min Read
Editor’s note: This is yet another entry in the saga of my Kimchi Baron of the Interwebs aspirations, aka The Prissy Pet Project. Perhaps you need to read the most recent journal entry, Work-From-Throne Job Opportunity Available, to get slightly more up to speed. The short version of where we’re at in the process is […]

10 Min Read
“Today’s a good day to dress like a tourist–I would even argue that it’s the perfect day to dress like one!” One year ago this very day, the beautiful French morning was slipping away, and I couldn’t believe I was wasting time defending my choice of vacation attire. The Boss Lady and I had decided […]

< 1 Min Read
The Year: 1999, Summer Time. Location: Our Family Farm.
Excitement Level? "Never A Dull Moment"...
5 Min Read
As a toddler, I had my mother rather worried. I was coming up on turning 2 years old, and still really hadn’t talked much. Although I was her fifth rodeo, so to speak, like any good first-world parent she was concerned that I had developmental issues. Oh, were those fears ever unfounded. I imagine at […]

5 Min Read
There's a knock on the door; you call out "Who is it?!?"
You can only hope you don't hear "Tis your Favorite Nurse, here for a home visit"...

5 Min Read
It all started just like any other regrettable college moment:
"Chug! Chug! Chug..."

3 Min Read
I recently had the pleasure of seeing Jerry Seinfeld live, and something he said reminded me how much of an under-rated philosopher1I shit thee not, I have to credit the wisdom of Seinfeld for my marriage to a woman waaaaaay out of my league…one day, Young Grasshopper, I will regale you with that tale… he […]
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