Latest Posts
4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...
5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...
13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...
6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...
6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...
6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...
5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...
6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...
6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts
6 Min Read
Note: this is the 1st installment of the Kandy Karma saga. If you have already read this, please feel free to skip to Parts 2 & 3. Free candy? Socially-sanctioned dress-up playtime? No age restrictions? On it’s face, Halloween seems like a deal too good to be true. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned […]
6 Min Read
Just cuz somebody is a real smarty-pants doesn't mean they don't make dumb decisions on occasion.
And, no, I'm not returning my medal, man...
10 Min Read
Editor’s note: For the sake of keeping the running time of my weekly Sunday missives as close to 5 minutes as possible, this multi-thought musing has been split up into two parts. While each part has some entertainment and/or philosophical value by itself, they truly need to be read as a whole. For your convenience, […]
5 Min Read
On that day, there was terror in the air.
And every single passenger on that plane knew that it was coming from back there...
4 Min Read
The White Jesus Savior Complex is a lot like the Rapture. You never really see it coming...
4 Min Read
"I can't believe you're asking me to be your Best Man!
I promise you wont' regret it..."
4 Min Read
Oh man, Pony Boy just rolled into town.
You best believe that some horse sh*t is about to go down...
5 Min Read
Did you know...racism comes in many flavors?
Well then, ret me tell you a story--though I might not be doing anyone any favors...
5 Min Read
This is Part 2 of my Pee-No-Evil adventure. It will probably make much more sense to first read Part 1, Touched By An Angel, if you haven’t already. That’s okay. I’ll just wait here… When I last left you, I had just experienced for the very first time not only an ultrasound, but also the […]
4 Min Read
"Oh sh*t..." you say, as you do your best Fred-Savage-from-the-Princess-Bride impression. "Is this a pooping story?"
"This is a pooping story, isn't it..."
Random Posts
4 Min Read
What happens when the brightest minds are banished to the back of the room?
Indubitably, sparks will fly and things will go boom...
6 Min Read
That moment when: you find yourself with your shirt over your head.
Be warned, though: it's probably best not to curse the dead...
6 Min Read
How do you know if your condition requires immediate medical attention?
When the only way to describe it is with a Kevin Bacon reference...
6 Min Read
You're dad is cut and bleeding, son, what do you do? Hop in the farm truck and throw it in Gear 2...
5 Min Read
What do you do with your life when Plans A-F fail? Why, you move on Plans G-H-O-S-T, of course!
5 Min Read
When it comes to sharing interesting life stories, a part of me thinks that it is a little bit cheating to retell dreams one may have had, rather than real events that have been experienced in real life. Today’s tale lands somewhere in the grey area. First off, technically it’s not my dream. Secondly, the […]
8 Min Read
This is a warning to any kiddie-stalkers that look oddly like my friend, my dude:
You keep following those girls, and I swear I'll end you...
6 Min Read
What in the world does love got to do with a relationship that is literally toxic?
Well, you'll just have to read on, my friend, read on...
5 Min Read
Alien overlords. The Illuminati. Kevin James is funny. 5G causes exceptionally fast download speeds in urban areas. The Moon Landing was faked. The Earth is a flat, crisp, delicious, lightly-salted wafer.
5 Min Read
What could possibly be more interesting than life on the farm?
Death on the farm. Definitely "death on the farm"...
The latest word on the street