Latest Posts











4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts










6 Min Read
Face it: your science project sucked, but it can't be that bad, right?
On the bright side, at least that nightmare is finally over...

9 Min Read
Everybody needs at least one constant truth in their life to keep them sane. For me, that one truth was that I could always count on olives to be intolerably nasty. I knew from an early age that olives and I weren’t going to get along. For example, when I was 9 I had gone […]

5 Min Read
Amidst our many arguments, one thing was never up for debate.
Dad and I both knew that I could never drive that damn tractor straight...

5 Min Read
Once, twice--even thrice--mom's message has been read.
You rub your eyes, scratch your head--you can't believe what she actually just said...

4 Min Read
Fuck Bob Ross. Don’t get me wrong, he was a great guy–may he rest in peace. But seriously, ----- him and his happy little trees, too. You may be wondering what the hell is wrong with me, as it is a widely accepted fact that everyone loves The Ross-ster. Don’t worry, I’ll address that in […]

4 Min Read
"I can't believe you're asking me to be your Best Man!
I promise you wont' regret it..."
7 Min Read
Some people know where they belong. Typically accompanied with a strong sense of identity, this “deluxe package” model of human being knows themselves well, knows their role in society, and has full confidence that they are in the social circle that’s a right fit for them. Gee, that sure sounds nice, doesn’t it? As you […]

4 Min Read
Boy, you got yourself some pretty hair there.
But with great beauty comes great responsibility, son, so you better beware...

5 Min Read
Did you know...racism comes in many flavors?
Well then, ret me tell you a story--though I might not be doing anyone any favors...

8 Min Read
This is a warning to any kiddie-stalkers that look oddly like my friend, my dude:
You keep following those girls, and I swear I'll end you...
Random Posts











3 Min Read
"A new truck?!? How f---ing sweet is that?!?"
I could feel it in my little growing bones. This was going to be one special year...

6 Min Read
The good news? I might have just made a new best friend.
The bad new? Look, amigo, I ain't got time for no buddy…

3 Min Read
"And the award for 'Least Amount Of Substances Abused Over A Lifetime' goes to..." (*ahem* Drum roll, please...)

5 Min Read
When you hear 'pudding', you're bound to ask "Yum! What flavor?"
This time, though, you best not ask (and you're welcome for the favor...)

6 Min Read
Face it: your science project sucked, but it can't be that bad, right?
On the bright side, at least that nightmare is finally over...

3 Min Read
"...or else the Source Of Life would be overrun by bare beavers!"

5 Min Read
Yeah, yeah, you know what you said: "I wanted to be reincarnated as a blonde!"
Well, maybe you should have been a little bit more specific...

10 Min Read
Me: "What'll it take to get YOU to take this car off my hands?!"
Carlos: "A boat, a plane, PoA, a fake addie, a thousand clams." Me: "Damn..."

4 Min Read
To say that it was "A Vacation From Hell" might be a bit of an exaggeration.
Just barely, though...

5 Min Read
There's regular actors, and there's voice-actors. And then, regrettably, there are tongue-actors...
The latest word on the street