Latest Posts











4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts










6 Min Read
You swear you weren't meaning to get a leg up on the competition
But now you gotta fix the situation without drawing too much attention...

4 Min Read
When traveling, being right on schedule is supposed to be a good thing.
Bodily functions, however, are a strong exception to that rule...

6 Min Read
Quick question: do you have to actually know your neighbor before you call in that big favor?
Asking for a friend (or vice versa)...

4 Min Read
Just when I thought my MotherLand couldn't bring me any more shame...it goes and completely redeems itself! (Uh, that's from Dumb & Dumber...)

4 Min Read
Valentine's Day is right around the corner, and it's time to get your funk on, baby! But first, you're gonna have to get that funk the funk off you...

5 Min Read
I knew I was doing something right when a University big-wig asked to meet one-on-one.
Problem was, I had no idea what good deed I had done...

3 Min Read
Pleased with ourselves that we had Top Secret intel that no one else had, Elmer and I spent the rest of our bus ride dreamily wondering aloud what super-cool toy the Universe would endow upon as at the gift exchange...
4 Min Read
...it quickly turned into one of those scenes from America's Most Wanted or Unsolved Mysteries where they recreate the moment that a careless parent becomes increasingly frantic trying to find the kid they lost in the park.

5 Min Read
Sometimes you get "close, but no banana." But even worse is when you get "close, and all banana"...

5 Min Read
One might argue that all the best pranks indubitably involve, well, poo.
But it's not nearly as funny when that sh*t is pulled on you...
Random Posts











4 Min Read
What happens when the brightest minds are banished to the back of the room?
Indubitably, sparks will fly and things will go boom...

4 Min Read
"Amazingly, though, this wasn't the most embarrassing thing I've read today written by 13-Year-Old BJ."

6 Min Read
What's that? You're worried that maybe this ahistoric moment in sports may have scarred me for life?
Just wait until see the other guy...

6 Min Read
Do you know what an "incubus" is?
I've heard the term, but am curious to find out what all the hub-bub is about.

7 Min Read
It's such a liberating feeling when you realize you're too cool for school.
Just don't let it all go to your fat head, you tool...

6 Min Read
You swear you weren't meaning to get a leg up on the competition
But now you gotta fix the situation without drawing too much attention...

4 Min Read
You better sit up, brace yourself, and pour yourself a tall glass of the strongest clear alcohol you can find...

4 Min Read
When you're down on your luck, a helping hand should sound great.
But when your pal's a dipshit, you have to worry about what you just ate...

8 Min Read
Ah, Fall. Autumn is my favorite time of year for many reasons, but I think taking my annual trip(s) to the North Carolina State Fair is in the Top Two of my favoritest reasons. With this year’s fair in full swing it seems like Nothing Could Be Finer1This is the NC State Fair’s slogan. Year […]

3 Min Read
So you think you're a tough guy, eh? Well, I bet you're no Sylvester, though, you little punk...
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