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4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts











4 Min Read
When religious ministry and wordplay collide, ya better butter up, BuckleCup.
Slipe 'n slide and glide, it's gonna be one heaven of a ride...

5 Min Read
Did you know...racism comes in many flavors?
Well then, ret me tell you a story--though I might not be doing anyone any favors...

5 Min Read
Amidst our many arguments, one thing was never up for debate.
Dad and I both knew that I could never drive that damn tractor straight...

< 1 Min Read
It's kinda like a 'Rags to Riches' story.
Except by the end, I barely got to keep my polyester britches...

9 Min Read
In some cultures, a boy’s twelfth birthday is a very important rite of passage in his life. In Judaism this is marked with a Bar Mitzvah, in which, in the eyes of his society, he has officially become a man. Although I wasn’t brought up in the Hebrew tradition, I was still pretty excited for […]

7 Min Read
Here’s a fun fact: not all Valentine’s Day stories are hot steamy messes of eroticism and romantic escapades. Now that I think about it…do any of them ever really turn out that way? Well, reality check aside, you can bet your sweet heart-shaped ass that I’ve got a Valentine’s Day tale for you. Even better, […]

6 Min Read
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, with his Pillow-Sack-Of-Fun...

4 Min Read
“About time…about —damn time.” That was my reaction when I read the clickbait article today confirming that Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure 3 was REALLY, TRULY HAPPENING. Sure, we have to wait over a year before it actually comes out, but we’ve waited 28 years thus far, so who can complain? I was 8 or […]

5 Min Read
I'm actually surprised that my kids didn't turn out to be freaking mutants...

6 Min Read
You hope to give your baby daughter an Easter surprise, but...(Spoiler alert)Jesus isn't the only white thing that's about to arise...
Random Posts









5 Min Read
Most people can't quite put their finger on what feels 'off' about their lives.
At least until what's 'off' is a little too 'on the nose'...
2 Min Read
“So…what will you tell your kids when they asked what happened?”

5 Min Read
This Halloween, why not visit one of the spookiest places on Earth:
The Emergency Department...mwah ha ha...

5 Min Read
Marriage can be hard, but sometimes it's a lot harder than it has to be.
'Specially when one of ya has something that rhyme's with 'ABCD'...
7 Min Read
Some people know where they belong. Typically accompanied with a strong sense of identity, this “deluxe package” model of human being knows themselves well, knows their role in society, and has full confidence that they are in the social circle that’s a right fit for them. Gee, that sure sounds nice, doesn’t it? As you […]

4 Min Read
No one wants to have an exciting story about getting COVID.
But if you can live to tell about it, it's TOTALLY worth it...

8 Min Read
Trying to unload that unused surfboard? Why not try out Craigslist?
You're sure to get an offer that'll make you mutter 'Good Lord'...

5 Min Read
Has an unexpected interstate lawman come a-knockin' at your door?
Demand they double-check--surely you ain't the guy they're looking for...

2 Min Read
Unlike the wholly unauthorized Boss Lady’s Edition of the Best of 2019, this time around I have actually commissioned a Top 3 list from a dedicated reader. These picks come to us courtesy of my pensive friend and former colleague, The Doctor.1As a bonus for the dedicated few who actually read these footnotes: “also the […]

6 Min Read
The good news? I might have just made a new best friend.
The bad new? Look, amigo, I ain't got time for no buddy…
The latest word on the street