Latest Posts











4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts









4 Min Read
Are you sick and tired of prom themes that over-promise and under-deliver?
Well, have I got just the theme for you...

6 Min Read
Long story short, when Mom asked I said "screw it" and told her the truth.
"I fully intend to spend the evening abusing my sweet tooth..."
5 Min Read
By and large, I was minding my own damn business, paying no real mind to my two companions, when I noticed the guy had started talking to the girl. Or at least talking at the girl. Either that, or he was talking to her sandwich. Honestly, it wasn't really clear. He was asking her how her sandwich was, but it was almost...sexual. I could sense the smarm coming off of him, but I wasn't sure if the object of his lust was the girl or the food.
5 Min Read
Even when she gathered both of us in the room and demanded we get to the bottom of The Mystery of Which of My Teen Boys Has Been Looking at Lingerie Catalogs, I managed to stick to my guns and maintain the lie.

6 Min Read
You hope to give your baby daughter an Easter surprise, but...(Spoiler alert)Jesus isn't the only white thing that's about to arise...

5 Min Read
On that day, there was terror in the air.
And every single passenger on that plane knew that it was coming from back there...

4 Min Read
When religious ministry and wordplay collide, ya better butter up, BuckleCup.
Slipe 'n slide and glide, it's gonna be one heaven of a ride...

5 Min Read
Was the question: "Eh, what's up, Doc?"?
Ah, hell naw, the answer should never be "malpractice insurance premiums and patient death rates"...

4 Min Read
"I can't believe you're asking me to be your Best Man!
I promise you wont' regret it..."

4 Min Read
Fuck Bob Ross. Don’t get me wrong, he was a great guy–may he rest in peace. But seriously, ----- him and his happy little trees, too. You may be wondering what the hell is wrong with me, as it is a widely accepted fact that everyone loves The Ross-ster. Don’t worry, I’ll address that in […]
Random Posts











6 Min Read
You swear you weren't meaning to get a leg up on the competition
But now you gotta fix the situation without drawing too much attention...

5 Min Read
Did you know...racism comes in many flavors?
Well then, ret me tell you a story--though I might not be doing anyone any favors...

5 Min Read
Editor’s Note: This is a continuation of my pursuit of passive income via slanging kimchi on Tumblr. Now that I think about it, I guess I’m sort of an aspiring internet drug dealer–but the GOOD kind of drug dealer, like, say, an anesthesiologist. You can read about my descent into the light underbelly of the […]

4 Min Read
You better sit up, brace yourself, and pour yourself a tall glass of the strongest clear alcohol you can find...

6 Min Read
Prestigious? Accomplished? Beloved? I'm not gonna lie: you've got the wrong guy.
Wait, what's that? There's money in it? K, maybe I'll lie...

5 Min Read
Oh, man. You're going to be so f*cking rich...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

9 Min Read
In the spirit of the season, here's a little something extra for all you faithful fans out there.
As they say, "Take a look inside"...

3 Min Read
Editor’s Note: This is a continuation of the loose theme introduced in In Soviet Russia (spoonerisms/transpositional humor…and basically just more abuse of the English language). While not essential, go ahead and read it anyways. Also, for your sanity, the title simply refers to the fact that we’re getting back to that original post that started […]

4 Min Read
Almost everyone has had that little brother that won't stop whining.
Or been that little brother...
The latest word on the street