Latest Posts











4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts










6 Min Read
Face it: your science project sucked, but it can't be that bad, right?
On the bright side, at least that nightmare is finally over...

3 Min Read
"Excuse me, sir. Can I ask what your ethnicity is?" I'm not gonna lie to y'all...I never saw that one coming.

4 Min Read
Boy, you got yourself some pretty hair there.
But with great beauty comes great responsibility, son, so you better beware...

4 Min Read
I’m not quite Over The Hill yet, but you know how I can tell it’s clearly coming up over the horizon? Wait–that’s a poor invocation of that metaphor. To be more accurate: you now how I can tell I’m pretty much firmly atop the Hill, mere months away from tumbling down the other side? Two […]
5 Min Read
Even when she gathered both of us in the room and demanded we get to the bottom of The Mystery of Which of My Teen Boys Has Been Looking at Lingerie Catalogs, I managed to stick to my guns and maintain the lie.

4 Min Read
Beware if you find yourself making outrageous claims like "I invented cake pops..."

4 Min Read
What's that? You can't resist picking up the phone every time it rings?
Of course I'd be happy to show you how to not do it. Of course...

5 Min Read
Was the question: "Eh, what's up, Doc?"?
Ah, hell naw, the answer should never be "malpractice insurance premiums and patient death rates"...

4 Min Read
Well, it was either "ignoble death" or "registered sex offender for life."
I quickly came to terms that I was probably going to die right there in the water...

5 Min Read
"Rah-rah-rah, hats off to thee! Wait one sec, let me double-check my family tree..."
Random Posts










3 Min Read
You might be tempted to think that today’s topic would be about holding public servants and/or private corporations to account, but alas, it ain’t that woke. It is however, about trust. As in, we implicitly tend to trust the world at large to have its proverbial shit together. So when tiny bits of incongruency flash […]

4 Min Read
Some stories, well, they're straight-forward.
And then there are some stories you simply can't tell with a straight face...

2 Min Read
Nothing tears apart close friends like a friendly disagreement over...condiments?
What the fu...

5 Min Read
"Always wear sunscreen," they said. Little did I know how horrible that life advice would turn out to be...

6 Min Read
It's a common problem for guys with large packages like me.
Not everyone is prepared to handle the length or girth--at least not adequately...

4 Min Read
Ok, so my middle name really isn’t “Physics.” It was all just marketing. You see, when I was an undergraduate at Kansas State, there was a solid 3 semesters in which I was a Secondary Education major. Yes, I had actually convinced myself that I was destined to be a high school physics teacher. It […]

5 Min Read
Ignore those who will try to tell you "Happy wife, happy life!"
No, true happiness can be found in 3 very different words...
4 Min Read
March 1997: I was a Sophomore in high school and the Jim Carrey classic Liar Liar was about to hit movie theaters. My best friend, Phillip K. Ballz,1Almost but not quite his real name. Also, it’s a Phillip K. ----- pun. For the various reasons “Ballz” was choice #2, yet will be used in place […]

6 Min Read
Just cuz somebody is a real smarty-pants doesn't mean they don't make dumb decisions on occasion.
And, no, I'm not returning my medal, man...

4 Min Read
Fame and fortune isn't always fun and games.
Especially when it's not really yours...
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