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4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts











10 Min Read
โTodayโs a good day to dress like a touristโI would even argue that itโs the perfect day to dress like one!โ One year ago this very day, the beautiful French morning was slipping away, and I couldnโt believe I was wasting time defending my choice of vacation attire. The Boss Lady and I had decided [โฆ]

5 Min Read
As I write this very topical post, we are at the front end of these uncertain times brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic. No doubt, some out there probably canโt help but wonder if weโre living out the Book of Revelations in real time. I canโt say that thought hasnโt crossed my mind once or [โฆ]

5 Min Read
On that day, there was terror in the air.
And every single passenger on that plane knew that it was coming from back there...

2 Min Read
One fine Saturday morning many moons ago, I found myself taking a shower with the bathroom door open. Now, the door opens in towards the shower, so even with it open, it would be difficult for anybody in the hallway to actually see you showering. Anyways, afterwards, as I turned off the water and began [โฆ]

6 Min Read
Sometimes, the drunken truth can be the most sobering thing of all...

5 Min Read
Did you knowโฆthat thereโs such a thing called Childhood Amnesia? Most people canโt recall memories earlier than four years old, while the commonly accepted limit is around two and half years old.1https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childhood_amnesia#False_memories Yeah, in fact, it happens to pretty much everybody. I had no clue such a phenomenon existed until I was 30 or so, [โฆ]

5 Min Read
I'm actually surprised that my kids didn't turn out to be freaking mutants...

6 Min Read
The problem with not knowing the truth is that your imagination might run wild.
You know, like "Girls Gone Wild" wild ...

7 Min Read
Ahh, Early March: perhaps most widely remembered as a nation-wide period of mourning, year in and year out. Feeling depressed around this time of the year, every year, without fail? Yeah. #MeToo. Most people go throughout life never knowing the reason behind this annual mood swing. If you count yourself amongst that legion, then count [โฆ]

< 1 Min Read
It's kinda like a 'Rags to Riches' story.
Except by the end, I barely got to keep my polyester britches...
Random Posts










5 Min Read
...but no matter how many wheels I re-invent, guess what? If it doesn't put food on the table for my kids, a roof over my wife's head, and a handgun in the Bible case of my beloved mother, than what in hot Hades have I been good for?

4 Min Read
What happens when the brightest minds are banished to the back of the room?
Indubitably, sparks will fly and things will go boom...

2 Min Read
Unlike the wholly unauthorized Boss Ladyโs Edition of the Best of 2019, this time around I have actually commissioned a Top 3 list from a dedicated reader. These picks come to us courtesy of my pensive friend and former colleague, The Doctor.1As a bonus for the dedicated few who actually read these footnotes: โalso the [โฆ]
2 Min Read
Speaking of showers and judgy assholes,1See: Lawnmower Man that reminds meโฆ During my second year of grad school, I lived with three of my fellow physics grad students. They were all [astro]nuclear physicists and my main research tool was Nuclear Magnetic Resonance (NMR), so we decided to lean hard into the whole โnuclearโ theme and [โฆ]

5 Min Read
Editorโs Note: This is a continuation of my pursuit of passive income via slanging kimchi on Tumblr. Now that I think about it, I guess Iโm sort of an aspiring internet drug dealerโbut the GOOD kind of drug dealer, like, say, an anesthesiologist. You can read about my descent into the light underbelly of the [โฆ]

9 Min Read
Everybody needs at least one constant truth in their life to keep them sane. For me, that one truth was that I could always count on olives to be intolerably nasty. I knew from an early age that olives and I werenโt going to get along. For example, when I was 9 I had gone [โฆ]

7 Min Read
It's such a liberating feeling when you realize you're too cool for school.
Just don't let it all go to your fat head, you tool...

6 Min Read
You hope to give your baby daughter an Easter surprise, but...(Spoiler alert)Jesus isn't the only white thing that's about to arise...

6 Min Read
If you're aspiring to be an educator, why not take it for a spin first?
You never know what you just might learn...

10 Min Read
Me: "What'll it take to get YOU to take this car off my hands?!"
Carlos: "A boat, a plane, PoA, a fake addie, a thousand clams." Me: "Damn..."
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