Latest Posts











4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts











3 Min Read
"No! Only I get to stuff the ballot box!" he hissed at me as he grabbed my wrists and wrestled the stack of raffle entries from my hand...

5 Min Read
In the timeless words of Frank Costanza, "I've got a lot of problems with you people, and you're going to hear all about it!"
So, Harvey, if you're listening, this grievance is for you...

9 Min Read
They have origin stories! They have alter-egos! But if I got an origin story for my alter-ego?
That just might make me a super super-hero...

5 Min Read
I'm actually surprised that my kids didn't turn out to be freaking mutants...

5 Min Read
Sometimes you get "close, but no banana." But even worse is when you get "close, and all banana"...

4 Min Read
Oh man, Pony Boy just rolled into town.
You best believe that some horse sh*t is about to go down...

4 Min Read
Young man, pay no heed to the siren's call of 90s technology!
It's not worth the cost for some sweet eye candy (and I mean that literally...)

9 Min Read
Everybody needs at least one constant truth in their life to keep them sane. For me, that one truth was that I could always count on olives to be intolerably nasty. I knew from an early age that olives and I weren’t going to get along. For example, when I was 9 I had gone […]

8 Min Read
With graduation season nigh upon us, I thought what would be better than to take a moment to celebrate such achievements and milestones in our lives? Not to #HumbleBrag, but my Ph.D. graduation ceremony only lands at #2 on my list of diplomas that I’m ----- proud of earning. No, the #1 spot came many […]

5 Min Read
Did you know...racism comes in many flavors?
Well then, ret me tell you a story--though I might not be doing anyone any favors...
Random Posts











4 Min Read
Aim high, son, you go get that job of your dreams! But don't forget to mention those treats filled with cream...

2 Min Read
My goodwill towards women seems to have come back and ungratefully bit me in the ass...

6 Min Read
You're sick af and just need a place to get some peaceful sleep.
Yeah, that's the perfect time to be dirt cheap...

5 Min Read
In the timeless words of Frank Costanza, "I've got a lot of problems with you people, and you're going to hear all about it!"
So, Harvey, if you're listening, this grievance is for you...

4 Min Read
Ten...nine...eight...seven...
You got about six more seconds before you're gonna see ol' Hamhocks go up into porcine heaven...

7 Min Read
Like they say: "Food before beer--never fear! Beer before food, though? You're screwed, dude..."

6 Min Read
Long story short, when Mom asked I said "screw it" and told her the truth.
"I fully intend to spend the evening abusing my sweet tooth..."

3 Min Read
You might be tempted to think that today’s topic would be about holding public servants and/or private corporations to account, but alas, it ain’t that woke. It is however, about trust. As in, we implicitly tend to trust the world at large to have its proverbial shit together. So when tiny bits of incongruency flash […]

5 Min Read
We're all going to die. So we might as try to gain a healthy perspective on it.

6 Min Read
They claimed they spared no expenses when they built this place.
If only they had spared me their bullshit...
The latest word on the street