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4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts











4 Min Read
"Oh sh*t..." you say, as you do your best Fred-Savage-from-the-Princess-Bride impression. "Is this a pooping story?"
"This is a pooping story, isn't it..."

4 Min Read
What's that? You can't resist picking up the phone every time it rings?
Of course I'd be happy to show you how to not do it. Of course...

6 Min Read
You hope to give your baby daughter an Easter surprise, but...(Spoiler alert)Jesus isn't the only white thing that's about to arise...

4 Min Read
The White Jesus Savior Complex is a lot like the Rapture. You never really see it coming...

5 Min Read
Was the question: "Eh, what's up, Doc?"?
Ah, hell naw, the answer should never be "malpractice insurance premiums and patient death rates"...

4 Min Read
Valentine's Day is right around the corner, and it's time to get your funk on, baby! But first, you're gonna have to get that funk the funk off you...

4 Min Read
When traveling, being right on schedule is supposed to be a good thing.
Bodily functions, however, are a strong exception to that rule...

3 Min Read
Pleased with ourselves that we had Top Secret intel that no one else had, Elmer and I spent the rest of our bus ride dreamily wondering aloud what super-cool toy the Universe would endow upon as at the gift exchange...

6 Min Read
It's the night before you flight, and something just ain't right.
Look out, ICT, you is about to see all the wrong kinds of white...

7 Min Read
Ahh, Early March: perhaps most widely remembered as a nation-wide period of mourning, year in and year out. Feeling depressed around this time of the year, every year, without fail? Yeah. #MeToo. Most people go throughout life never knowing the reason behind this annual mood swing. If you count yourself amongst that legion, then count […]
Random Posts









3 Min Read
"...or else the Source Of Life would be overrun by bare beavers!"
10 Min Read
Editor’s note: For the sake of keeping the running time of my weekly Sunday missives as close to 5 minutes as possible, this multi-thought musing has been split up into two parts. While each part has some entertainment and/or philosophical value by itself, they truly need to be read as a whole. For your convenience, […]

4 Min Read
Sure, the feel of melon in your mouth feels great.
But sometimes, son, it's better you just wait...
2 Min Read
Our 2-1/2 year old daughter, “The Younger,” recently just graduated from sleeping in a crib in our master bedroom to sleeping in her own [queen-sized] bed in her own room. An unfortunate side effect of this transition is now she demands I lay down with her until she falls asleep, the whole time complaining and […]

2 Min Read
Hint: It was never really about the candy...

< 1 Min Read
The Year 2021: The Year of the Endless Home Renovation.
Pfft! More like "The Year We Almost Ended Up Homeless"...

5 Min Read
There's regular actors, and there's voice-actors. And then, regrettably, there are tongue-actors...

2 Min Read
Vacations: everybody could use one, amiright?

5 Min Read
Why give 'em a call when you can knock on their door?
C'mon on down and little ol' Gladys will gladly help you find the perfect floor...

3 Min Read
"Son, you really gotta stop rubbing-your-dub."
Welp. This was going to be awkward...
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