Latest Posts











4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts











6 Min Read
Wanna hear a fantasticโbut trueโstory? On a dreary Seattle day in May 1992, a brave dark knight hoisted himself upon a giant papier-mรขchรฉ derriรจre and spoke truth into a flat and listless world: I like big butts and I cannot lieYou other brothers canโt denyThat when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waistAnd [โฆ]

6 Min Read
What's that? You're worried that maybe this ahistoric moment in sports may have scarred me for life?
Just wait until see the other guy...

4 Min Read
Oh man, Pony Boy just rolled into town.
You best believe that some horse sh*t is about to go down...

6 Min Read
Face it: your science project sucked, but it can't be that bad, right?
On the bright side, at least that nightmare is finally over...

6 Min Read
Sometimes, the drunken truth can be the most sobering thing of all...

3 Min Read
"Son, you really gotta stop rubbing-your-dub."
Welp. This was going to be awkward...

4 Min Read
What's that? You can't resist picking up the phone every time it rings?
Of course I'd be happy to show you how to not do it. Of course...

4 Min Read
Young man, pay no heed to the siren's call of 90s technology!
It's not worth the cost for some sweet eye candy (and I mean that literally...)

5 Min Read
Say, do you remember those barnyard sounds toys from our childhood? The kind that had a giant plastic arrow that would spin around when you pulled the lever, and then for whatever it would land on, it would kindly inform you what sound that animal made. For example, โThe cow says: โMoooโ!โ Well, I have [โฆ]

6 Min Read
Just cuz somebody is a real smarty-pants doesn't mean they don't make dumb decisions on occasion.
And, no, I'm not returning my medal, man...
Random Posts











8 Min Read
If I'm being oppressed on the job because of my hair, then we agree my boss is being racist, right?
(P.S. We're both white...)

7 Min Read
Don't work hard, work smart!
Though I admit I'm working on something pretty fucking dumb...

2 Min Read
You might not think that playing the classic family card game Uno would ever rank in the Top 10 โLittle Momentsโ List of a grown-ass man, but I gotta tell ya, itโs been pretty wonderful. A nice little benefit to working from home so much and having my mother live nearby is that several times [โฆ]

4 Min Read
When traveling, being right on schedule is supposed to be a good thing.
Bodily functions, however, are a strong exception to that rule...

2 Min Read
Finding that perfect baby name is every expecting couple's dream.
But the process can be a real nightmare...

10 Min Read
Editorโs Note: This is a direct follow up to my most recent post, Taking Over the Mean Streets of Tumblr, documenting my attempt to get my piece of the kimchi market pie. Actually, itโs probably more apt to say that Iโm trying to expand the kimchi market and then promptly fill that need, but thatโs [โฆ]

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...

3 Min Read
Take a look inside the Book of Forbidden Fruit, if you dare.
But, young lad, can you handle what you may find in there?

5 Min Read
...but no matter how many wheels I re-invent, guess what? If it doesn't put food on the table for my kids, a roof over my wife's head, and a handgun in the Bible case of my beloved mother, than what in hot Hades have I been good for?

6 Min Read
You asked the Universe for a modest amount of booty.
Butt you got a whole lot more than you bargained for...
The latest word on the street