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4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts











5 Min Read
Amidst our many arguments, one thing was never up for debate.
Dad and I both knew that I could never drive that damn tractor straight...

7 Min Read
Ahh, Early March: perhaps most widely remembered as a nation-wide period of mourning, year in and year out. Feeling depressed around this time of the year, every year, without fail? Yeah. #MeToo. Most people go throughout life never knowing the reason behind this annual mood swing. If you count yourself amongst that legion, then count […]

10 Min Read
“Today’s a good day to dress like a tourist–I would even argue that it’s the perfect day to dress like one!” One year ago this very day, the beautiful French morning was slipping away, and I couldn’t believe I was wasting time defending my choice of vacation attire. The Boss Lady and I had decided […]

3 Min Read
Pleased with ourselves that we had Top Secret intel that no one else had, Elmer and I spent the rest of our bus ride dreamily wondering aloud what super-cool toy the Universe would endow upon as at the gift exchange...

2 Min Read
One fine Saturday morning many moons ago, I found myself taking a shower with the bathroom door open. Now, the door opens in towards the shower, so even with it open, it would be difficult for anybody in the hallway to actually see you showering. Anyways, afterwards, as I turned off the water and began […]

< 1 Min Read
No, you didn't come here to read long-winded novels.
But that never stopped me from writing a few anyways...

4 Min Read
"...what does one do when the Confederate-flag-on-a-hockey-stick games begin?"

4 Min Read
I knew that doggy yoga position alright: "Canine Arching Back Skyward In Glorious Defecation"...

7 Min Read
Yeah, sure, David Attenborough nature documentaries can be fascinating and informative. But as a source of relationship advice? Not so much...

2 Min Read
"Nebraska...I'm pretty sure you didn't plan on biking to Nebraska when you woke up this morning."
Random Posts










7 Min Read
Hey all you bureaucratic fat-cats down at the DMV! Yeah, that's right, I got a bone to pick with you...

9 Min Read
Editor’s note: This is the 3rd installment of the Prissy Pet Project. While not required reading, it may be helpful to have previously read Epitaph: A Preface to Passive Income Adventures to Come and (more importantly) Prissy Pet Project Parte Primera. Journal Date: 22 November 2019 (Friday) To bring everyone up to speed, a few […]

2 Min Read
One time in college, I went on a road trip with a random group of acquaintances to a conference in Iowa. To pass the time, we decided to play “20 Questions”–a real road trip classic, right? This must have been the Fall of 2001, because that was the only period in my life when I […]

6 Min Read
You're dad is cut and bleeding, son, what do you do? Hop in the farm truck and throw it in Gear 2...

3 Min Read
Some call me The Human Garbage Disposal. Unfortunately, I thought that was a compliment...

7 Min Read
You know what I really, REALLY hate?
The inevitable no-good, horrible experience of The First Date...

4 Min Read
"Amazingly, though, this wasn't the most embarrassing thing I've read today written by 13-Year-Old BJ."

4 Min Read
"Oh sh*t..." you say, as you do your best Fred-Savage-from-the-Princess-Bride impression. "Is this a pooping story?"
"This is a pooping story, isn't it..."

5 Min Read
There's no time quite like the New Year to look back and question your questionable life choices!
< 1 Min Read
Now lemme rap at ya about a young man Who set out on foot across this great land What he saw 'twas barren, so desperately needing A strong lad to come along and spill his seedlings All over her ground, man, so he hatched a plan Answering her siren call with a firm shake of […]
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