Latest Posts
4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...
5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...
13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...
6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...
6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...
6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...
5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...
6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...
6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts
5 Min Read
Sometimes you get "close, but no banana." But even worse is when you get "close, and all banana"...
2 Min Read
One fine Saturday morning many moons ago, I found myself taking a shower with the bathroom door open. Now, the door opens in towards the shower, so even with it open, it would be difficult for anybody in the hallway to actually see you showering. Anyways, afterwards, as I turned off the water and began […]
5 Min Read
It all started just like any other regrettable college moment:
"Chug! Chug! Chug..."
4 Min Read
Ok, so my middle name really isn’t “Physics.” It was all just marketing. You see, when I was an undergraduate at Kansas State, there was a solid 3 semesters in which I was a Secondary Education major. Yes, I had actually convinced myself that I was destined to be a high school physics teacher. It […]
5 Min Read
When you hear 'pudding', you're bound to ask "Yum! What flavor?"
This time, though, you best not ask (and you're welcome for the favor...)
9 Min Read
Everybody needs at least one constant truth in their life to keep them sane. For me, that one truth was that I could always count on olives to be intolerably nasty. I knew from an early age that olives and I weren’t going to get along. For example, when I was 9 I had gone […]
6 Min Read
The problem with not knowing the truth is that your imagination might run wild.
You know, like "Girls Gone Wild" wild ...
6 Min Read
When she said "Farmboy, fetch me the finest seats in the house," you know what he said?
"As you wish..."
3 Min Read
"No! Only I get to stuff the ballot box!" he hissed at me as he grabbed my wrists and wrestled the stack of raffle entries from my hand...
4 Min Read
That sweettooth of yours already got you in trouble once, kid.
But just you wait until Dad discovers the second half of the damage you did...
Random Posts
2 Min Read
Unlike the wholly unauthorized Boss Lady’s Edition of the Best of 2019, this time around I have actually commissioned a Top 3 list from a dedicated reader. These picks come to us courtesy of my pensive friend and former colleague, The Doctor.1As a bonus for the dedicated few who actually read these footnotes: “also the […]
7 Min Read
How will you ever know if the reason for that silly paint mix-up was merely asinine?
It's quite possible the truth will blow your mind...
7 Min Read
The sick mind can really play tricks on a guy.
Oh, the many places we will go! Oh, the many ways we might die...
8 Min Read
With graduation season nigh upon us, I thought what would be better than to take a moment to celebrate such achievements and milestones in our lives? Not to #HumbleBrag, but my Ph.D. graduation ceremony only lands at #2 on my list of diplomas that I’m ----- proud of earning. No, the #1 spot came many […]
6 Min Read
We all have regrets, both large and small.
But the real trick is figuring out how to get away from them all...
5 Min Read
Sometimes you get "close, but no banana." But even worse is when you get "close, and all banana"...
3 Min Read
Do y'all remember "The Most Interesting Man in the World"? You know, that suave-but-insensitive jackass who would implore us to "stay thirty, my friends" while much of the world still didn't--and doesn't--have potable water? Yeah. That guy.
5 Min Read
When it comes to sharing interesting life stories, a part of me thinks that it is a little bit cheating to retell dreams one may have had, rather than real events that have been experienced in real life. Today’s tale lands somewhere in the grey area. First off, technically it’s not my dream. Secondly, the […]
8 Min Read
If I'm being oppressed on the job because of my hair, then we agree my boss is being racist, right?
(P.S. We're both white...)
4 Min Read
Ok, so my middle name really isn’t “Physics.” It was all just marketing. You see, when I was an undergraduate at Kansas State, there was a solid 3 semesters in which I was a Secondary Education major. Yes, I had actually convinced myself that I was destined to be a high school physics teacher. It […]
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