Latest Posts











4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts










6 Min Read
What would Jesus do?"
Surely not be giving out rides when it's not his car...

4 Min Read
"...what does one do when the Confederate-flag-on-a-hockey-stick games begin?"

5 Min Read
It all started just like any other regrettable college moment:
"Chug! Chug! Chug..."

5 Min Read
Sometimes you get "close, but no banana." But even worse is when you get "close, and all banana"...
4 Min Read
...it quickly turned into one of those scenes from America's Most Wanted or Unsolved Mysteries where they recreate the moment that a careless parent becomes increasingly frantic trying to find the kid they lost in the park.

6 Min Read
When she said "Farmboy, fetch me the finest seats in the house," you know what he said?
"As you wish..."

3 Min Read
"No! Only I get to stuff the ballot box!" he hissed at me as he grabbed my wrists and wrestled the stack of raffle entries from my hand...

6 Min Read
Look, don't judge me for honoring a homeless guy's request.
Oh, but you'll never guess which of his weird-ass requests I'm talking about...

4 Min Read
"I can't believe you're asking me to be your Best Man!
I promise you wont' regret it..."

6 Min Read
The problem with not knowing the truth is that your imagination might run wild.
You know, like "Girls Gone Wild" wild ...
Random Posts










4 Min Read
"I can't believe you're asking me to be your Best Man!
I promise you wont' regret it..."

5 Min Read
Most people can't quite put their finger on what feels 'off' about their lives.
At least until what's 'off' is a little too 'on the nose'...

3 Min Read
Thinking of helping ol' Dim-Witted Daryl fudge on his geography test? Don't be such a dumbass!
Don't forget: he's also really bad at math...

6 Min Read
Long story short, when Mom asked I said "screw it" and told her the truth.
"I fully intend to spend the evening abusing my sweet tooth..."

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...

5 Min Read
My vocabulary didn't expand just because I graduated college.
It was because of the WAY I graduated college...
< 1 Min Read
An ode to the original host of America’s Funniest Home Videos and director of acclaimed cinematagrphic masterpiece Dirty Work, “America’s Dad”, Mr. Bob Saget: Once there was a dad on Full House,thought to be squeaky clean as a mouse.Indeed, 'twas a reputation hard-earned,but from his later career we have learned:You shouldn't trust him alone with […]

2 Min Read
January through March of the Year 2020, we drink this tall glass of champagne in remembrance of you...

2 Min Read
...after all, you always gotta be emotionally prepared for at least one solution involving "rainbow-farting unicorns" to be thrown out.

6 Min Read
What's a guy to do when immoral influences comes a-knocking at his back door?
Oh, this tricky pickle is just too big to just ignore…
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