Latest Posts











4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts











8 Min Read
This is a warning to any kiddie-stalkers that look oddly like my friend, my dude:
You keep following those girls, and I swear I'll end you...

5 Min Read
Here’s a fun fact: something you may not know about me is that I’m a Caucasian male. Not to minimize the troubles I’ve had in this world–I’ve had my share of true sorrow, heartache, and hardship–but sometimes I have to take a step back and acknowledge how being a white dude has affected my life […]

7 Min Read
You ever wonder why you fought with your dad so much when you were a teen?
Oh, if only we could ever get to the root of it...

5 Min Read
Say, do you remember those barnyard sounds toys from our childhood? The kind that had a giant plastic arrow that would spin around when you pulled the lever, and then for whatever it would land on, it would kindly inform you what sound that animal made. For example, “The cow says: ‘Mooo’!” Well, I have […]

< 1 Min Read
No, you didn't come here to read long-winded novels.
But that never stopped me from writing a few anyways...

3 Min Read
"Excuse me, sir. Can I ask what your ethnicity is?" I'm not gonna lie to y'all...I never saw that one coming.

4 Min Read
What do you do when you realize there's no time left on your collegiate clock?
Well, that's when you best call in the BWC (Big White Cauc)...

6 Min Read
Look, don't judge me for honoring a homeless guy's request.
Oh, but you'll never guess which of his weird-ass requests I'm talking about...

6 Min Read
Quick question: do you have to actually know your neighbor before you call in that big favor?
Asking for a friend (or vice versa)...

6 Min Read
When an unknown pervert starts lurking about, you know it's time to whip it out.
Uh, whip out your cell phone, just to be clear...
Random Posts










3 Min Read
You won't go to hell for a little tail-shaking on the dance floor.
Hell, son, it just might send you right to heaven...

8 Min Read
Trying to unload that unused surfboard? Why not try out Craigslist?
You're sure to get an offer that'll make you mutter 'Good Lord'...

7 Min Read
You ever wonder why you fought with your dad so much when you were a teen?
Oh, if only we could ever get to the root of it...

3 Min Read
Usually, it's the Easter Bunny doing the hiding.
But seriously, somebody should have hid the fire water from these two drinking bunnies...

2 Min Read
Finding that perfect baby name is every expecting couple's dream.
But the process can be a real nightmare...

2 Min Read
Nothing tears apart close friends like a friendly disagreement over...condiments?
What the fu...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...
4 Min Read
The following is a lightly modified excerpt from an email with a close acquaintance. In full disclosure, it was written with the possibility in mind that it would eventually be shared here. In other words, I was workshopping it. The context: my friend had some personal writing that he asked me to review, and I […]

3 Min Read
So lay down and pour yourself a medium dosage of whatever sedative you can find laying around, because, admit it: that's what all really should have done for the last 3 months of 2020.

4 Min Read
Ok, so my middle name really isn’t “Physics.” It was all just marketing. You see, when I was an undergraduate at Kansas State, there was a solid 3 semesters in which I was a Secondary Education major. Yes, I had actually convinced myself that I was destined to be a high school physics teacher. It […]
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