Epitaph: A Preface to Passive Income Adventures To Come

5 Min Read

Here’s an interesting thought experiment for you: when you shed this mortal coil and pass on to whatever you hope is next, what do you want those whom you have left behind to write on your tombstone?

Now, the even more important question: what are you doing right now to earn those words of immortalization?

It shouldn’t come as a surprise, but yes, I have put some thought into this matter. After a decent amount of contemplation about what seems to drive me the most, I believe I have an answer that I can solidly stand behind.

When I die, I want a simple one-word epitaph inscribed on my headstone:

“Clever.”

I imagine that conversation with my local undertaker will go something like this:

Well, that at least answers the first part of the experiment.

Earning an undisputed reputation for being “clever” is a whole ‘nother ball of wax, though, you see.

I’ve had my moments of inspiration here and there–some of which I may or may not have been legally advised to never speak openly about–but nonetheless it’s not like I’ve totally fallen down in my efforts to prove to the world that am indeed a clever boy.

However, becoming a family man (or woman) tends to change one’s perspective on what metric really is a good measure of what you’ve done with your life.

Let’s visit our good friend and esteemed psychologist, Abraham Maslow, and his seminal legacy, Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (see Figure 2).

If you’re not familiar with this concept, basically it states that one’s lower level needs have to be met before a person can effectively focus on higher level needs.

I mean, have you ever tried to thinking about sex when you have debilitating stomach cramps accompanied by a proportional volume of diarrhea? Not that it’s ever happened to me, per se, but you can easily imagine how in this case Love/Belonging needs pretty much don’t exist when you have such, er, “pressing” Physiological needs.²Interestingly ‘sex’ is considered a base-level need. I could see how this might be true, while as the same time I would argue that it could also very well be placed in the “Esteem” category. In reality, nothing says that it can’t be part of each of those levels. Just a thought…

Anyways, you may be wondering “What in the high hell does this have to do with being a clever family man?”

Fair enough question. Let me go ahead and try to tackle that.

Seeing as how “creativity” and “problem-solving” belong in the top-tier of Self-Actualization, I’m pretty confident this where “being clever AF” would land as well.

But no matter how many wheels I re-invent,³This is such a recurring problem for me that on several occasions. I’ve been very close to printing business cards proclaiming “Re-inventor of the wheel” as my profession. guess what? If it doesn’t put food on the table for my kids, a roof over my wife’s head, and a handgun in the Bible case of my beloved mother, than what in hot Hades have I been good for?

Sure, I can be clever all day long and pat myself on the back. I’ll admit that, like good cocaine, it sure does give me a rush.

But, if my kids are hungry and destitute⁴Don’t worry, they’re not, thanks to a highly competent sugar momma. because of my pursuit of “clever”, then I might as well admit that I have just as much of an addiction as a cokehead and check myself into rehab. Just another self-centered prick hurting the ones they love…

Welp.

I gotta say that I really do need to stop blogging after 11 pm. That, um…that’s not exactly where I expected to end up with that train of thought. But hey, close enough, right?

The point of the story is this: if I’m such a smarty-pants, then riddle me this. Why do I work so darn hard for so little of the monies? I mean come on, I got mouths to feed and 529 Plans to fund, yo!

And honestly, I don’t have an easy answer for you on that one. But fear not! You shall not be left so unfulfilled!

The answer I have for you is instead hopefully much more interesting than a pithy one-liner: I have for you an invitation.

Come along with me, as explore the Wonderful World of Working Wisely!⁵In truth, I don’t know if that’s an actual thing or not, but that pretty much captures what I’m up to.

One need not work hard so much as they need to work smart, amiright? And to that end, I will be pursuing a variety of passive income streams, side hustles, investments, and other such not-quite-shady shenanigans…and of course sharing those adventures here in full, glorious detail.

As always, I hope that you find these tales entertaining, but more importantly, maybe my experience will inspire others to find their own creative paths to financial security and beyond…to financial love/belonging! To financial esteem! And to financial self-actualization! Okay, okay, I’ll lay off the Maslow humor for now…

But seriously though, while money isn’t everything, the lack thereof sure the hell causes a lot of anguish and strife.⁶I’m uncertain if that is original, but I doubt I came up with it myself. If I can leave this world with a little bit less of those things, then I maybe all my cleverness won’t have been in vain.

I suppose in that case I better revise what I want on my tombstone:

There. That’s better. My original answer totally misrepresented me…didn’t have nearly enough words.

Though…hmmm…do you suppose I’ll be able to find a cemetery that will allow one grave to have two headstones? I always hoped to be some sort of trailblazer, but this is not quite how I imagined it…

Anyways, Dear Reader (and Boss Lady), jeez Loiuise do I digress! Stay tuned for upcoming adventures…⁷Don’t worry though, I’m still going to overload you with all the many asinine anecdotes from my mildly amusing life! Let’s make some fat coin together, yo!